So, as the case would be for most Indian girls… you know that as soon as you leave University with your degree… the next aim in life is to find a husband (according to the traditional cultural ways that we are taught!)
So I did it… I got married like a good Indian girl living in this British world… and well… it didn’t work, hence why I am now divorced by the time I’ve turned 30!
Now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an arranged marriage, not forced in any sort of way… I chose my man, I decided to get married, buy a house and plan a life together with him… it’s just that it didn’t quite work out like one would expect.
If I am honest with myself, I realise now that I probably thought… I have a partner and we both want the next stage of life (to be married) so let’s make this work and go with it.
In the Indian world – if you think family is important, the girl can cook, she’s respectable towards elders, you both have decent jobs and you enjoy the basics in life together – well there you have your perfect match!
Let’s be real… I saw his faults… my friends and family warned me of his issues and how his attitude and behaviour wasn’t right towards me… but I still stayed with him.
I had made a commitment to a man to spend the rest of my life with – so that means I give it my all, accept some of the wrongs because really, in the end, it will all be fine. We have chosen to be together so why would it ever be any other way?
Marriage is a big commitment and I didn’t want to go in half hearted… however I guess I wasn’t thinking about the other half of it, which was him… both of us need to give the marriage 100% attention … otherwise of course it’s going to break down.
I probably sound quite blasé about the marriage I had… that could not be further from the truth. I think divorce comes too easily to some people and I disagree with anyone who doesn’t want to give their all to make their marriage work… but you should realise it takes two to make it and sometimes, divorce ends up being the only answer.
I guess I look back now and think… marriage isn’t everything like we are taught that it is.
I’m not saying that it’s wrong because it really isn’t – and I hope that maybe in the future I fall in love enough to want to maybe marry again… but it doesn’t work to be married because that’s what you think you should be doing, or told to do.
You can’t force it to work, you can’t force a person to change and you certainly can’t stay in such an unhappy relationship just because you have ‘married’ stamped all over it
It didn’t really work out for me… and that’s ok! Being a divorced brown girl, turned 30 in this modern world isn’t such a bad thing. I’m going to learn from my mistakes and I want to talk about it all because I believe I’m not the only one in this situation… I hope that my experiences are relateable and hopefully empower you to make decisions and live your life as amazing as possible too.